Toffee Bark

I love toffee. I love the crunch, the sweet, salty, smoky flavor, how it melts in your mouth, everything about it. I first made butter toffee covered in chocolate from scratch when I was 13. From scratch. You know, the kind where you cook the sugar mixture to hard crack (note: foreshadowing), let it cool, cover it with chocolate and nuts, etc.  I made that because Heath Bars are my favorite candy. (Don’t worry – we’ll get to the Toffee Bark recipe in a minute!)

Well, they were. Until I broke a tooth on one. Turns out all the fillings I had in my dentally-troubled youth can act as wedges to break your teeth as you get older. There’s something horrible about hearing something break in your body.

And then I found out I needed a root canal.

So I’m in the dentist’s chair, rigid with terror, with all the usual gross stuff going on, when my husband walks in. He was worried that it was taking so long (HELLO! It was a ROOT CANAL!) so the receptionist wanted to show him I was okay.

Well.

That was very sweet and everything, but it’s extremely difficult to maintain a sensual image of womanhood while you’re trapped in that chair. I cracked open one eye, pointed at him, then jerked my thumb toward the door.

And he didn’t get it! So I had to do it again! While rigid with terror!

Sigh. Men can be so dense. But lovable, at least in his case.

In conclusion, this is the recipe you can eat if you love chocolate covered toffee but you don’t want to bite into something hard enough to crack a tooth. Which I would think would be just about every person over the age of 30.

I can’t guarantee that you won’t break a tooth eating this recipe for Toffee Bark, but I feel that the odds are much, much lower than the risk of biting into a Heath Bar. I do eat this wonderful recipe, but I use caution. Try letting it melt in your mouth if you can. Yum.

All you need is two ingredients: milk chocolate chips and Heath bits to make this fabulous Toffee Bark. The bits are those little pieces of chopped up Heath bar that you can find near the chocolate chips in the grocery store. They are much kinder on your teeth, but I wanted to take it a step further. I crushed the bits so there would be no tooth threat whatsoever. (My other two ingredient bark recipe is Cookie Bark, which is just as fabulous.)

If you have the option, use Guittard milk chocolate chips. They have the best flavor and the creamiest texture. You could also chop up a Dove chocolate bar or use a fancy bar; 12 ounces will do the trick.

And what a success! I am so happy I can again have a Heath-bar-like snack. In fact, I think it’s even better than the original.

Tips for the best Toffee Bark for the Dentally Challenged:

• Don’t overheat the chocolate. That’s the only tip I have because this recipe is so simple! Oh and make sure you don’t get any liquid at all into the chocolate as it’s melting or it will seize and get all clumpy and rough. You could stir in 1/2 teaspoon of solid shortening (NOT butter, because that contains a little bit of water) and the chocolate may smooth out, or you might have to start over.

Why this recipe for Toffee Bark works:

• The way the chocolate is melted helps set up crystals which will keep the chocolate firm but tender when it cools and hardens. That’s called tempering. Tempering means the chocolate will be firm at room temperature. Tempering does not, as one TV host said, reduce the chances of bloom, which is the white film on chocolate that has been overheated. I wish these people would learn more about food science.
• You don’t have to chop the toffee as much as I do; leave enough chunks so you are comfortable with the recipe.